I hear many coaches and self-help practitioners suggest that the ultimate goal is to gain control over your life or your circumstance.

I find that word control leads to struggle and more negative behavior than most would care to admit. I don’t believe it’s what any of us really want. To control the situation simply means that we are dominating the circumstances or holding the circumstance in check. Does one really want to control the relationship with either their spouse or other loved one? Do we really want to hold in check the love we have for someone? If we have control over our finances – is there freedom for the wealth to expand when it’s being held in check? In football I’ve seen games lost when the winning team went into prevent defense – their control cost them the game when approached from a place of holding the score in check. In music "control" over the sound is one of the worst thing that can happen to a performer – the sound becomes contrived and restrained. If the performer is skilled enough the audience may not realize what is happening but there is something missing – the freedom in the power of the moment. One of the reasons that I love the book Jesus, CEO is because it highlights the power and authority Christ had without using control and holding his disciples in check.

I believe "to control" is to approach from fear. Fear that the other person or circumstance will get the best of us.

On the other hand, consider the value of having power. Having power over ourselves is to have the ability to act effectively. Having power over our finances allows us to expand our wealth. When we are "in our power" we have the ability to be the best "us" and to approach life in a loving, joyful manner. It allows us to enjoy growth. It provides all parties with the freedom to make the most of every situation and/or relationship.

I just returned from a weekend retreat with one of my mastermind groups with Adam Urbanski’s Marketing Mentors and because everyone present had the power over there own needs as well as what they received it was an incredibly successful weekend all around. Each business owner made significant inroads to there continued and ever expanding success. On the other hand if there had been a sense of needing to control the interaction and discussions, the fruit of that experience would not nearly have been as abundant.

Think about the choice of words next time you speak and see how different the power is in those two simple words.