Here is a story about trust. trusting ourselves, others and God is the way to create more love and harmony in the world. Those traits are the foundation of peace in humanity.
It is a beautiful afternoon and the sun is shining down while my two friends and I are playing in a garden close to the ocean. The flowers and marble pillars give a Greek or Roman feel to the setting.
After playing for some time, we go down to the shore along the ocean. A storm begins to brew and the water is rising quickly. We begin to run inland but there is a tidal wave coming up behind us. As I look back it seems that within the crest of the wave is a panther and it’s coming after us. As we continue to run, the wave grows in height and finally we yell to each other to run different ways. My friends are on either side of me and each runs off in a different direction as I continue to run forward.
Before much more time passes, an Angel appears off to my right just up ahead of me. She seems to be floating, maybe an inch or two off the ground. She keeps the same distance ahead of me of maybe 5 or 6 feet. After a few moments, she asks if I want to help my friends and stop this tidal wave.
“Of course”, I pant.
She smiled at me and said one word, “Stop”.
“Are you crazy?” I yelled at her. “I’ll be killed if I stop!”
She smiles and continues to pace me for a few more minutes. The conversation repeats itself with one exception – I’m yelling louder and a bit more panicked.
Again, I continue to run. Each time I turn to look at the wave, it seems to be the same distance behind me but the image of the cat is more vivid.
The third time she asks me if I want to save my friends, I simply said “yes” as that is about all the air I had left to utter a sound.
“Then stop running and stand still” she said. “You’re crazy,” I told her, “that wave and that cat will kill me if I stop.”
“If you really want to help them you must stop running.”
By this time, I don’t know if I’m too tired to be afraid or too afraid to care but I take a deep breath and stop running. Another breath and get into a fighting stance with my fists up – thinking that if I have to fight I might as well be ready.
“Now what?” I yelled at her.
She just smiles. It’s almost a Mona Lisa smile that she wears, all knowing and kind, not a mocking or superior smile. Then she says, “Get down on your knees.”
Now I know I’m in trouble. “On my knees?” I shouted at her – “I’ll die!” At that moment, I had a sense that this HUGE wave was ready to crash over me yet – at the very same time – it was suspended. I realized that for all its immensity – its distance, like the Angel in front of me, never varied one inch.
I took another breath and got down on my knees with the expectation that the wave would break over my head but at least my friends would be safe. My ego had kicked in now and I was willing to die to save them. It was not until later that I realized that the Angel never said anything about dying.
“What now?” I asked.
At that moment, one of my friends came up to stand between the angel and myself. My friend seemed to be an Angel herself but smaller, younger – my size.
My friend held out one hand and the Angel took it and she held the other out to me. Upon taking her hand, the three of us were linked; it was as if I could feel the older Angel inside of me.
At that moment, my other friend came up to us. As I watched, she began to walk toward me with a small rectangular paper with a cellophane insert covering a cutout. (This was similar to the “magic windows” we would get in the cereal boxes as kids.) All you had to do is look through the cellophane and everything would be revealed.
She held it up and began to look at me through it. I started getting uncomfortable at this point, as I knew she could see my heart. She continued walking around the back of me and I immediately said “No”.
The second friend paused and the Guardian Angel asked why I wanted my friend to stop.
“Because I don’t want her to see.” I responded
“But, if she doesn’t continue you won’t be able to save your friends.” she answered.
“She just can’t,” I said.
Again, she asked me “Why?”
I was silent for a bit and finally I said, “Because she’ll see the blackness. She’ll see the blackness of my soul.” I was crying by this time, ashamed of what I knew. Ashamed of what they would see once she looked in my back where the scar was on my neck.
It was no longer a matter of not trusting those around me: my husband, my family or my friends. I did not trust God. Moreover, that would come out now. Now everyone would know. I said I believed in God. I talked about how wonderful He is in addition to all of the things He would do for you if only you would let him. But I didn’t trust him myself – and that felt black, dirty – it felt like my life was a lie.
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I realized that the dream was about trusting God more than I had ever trusted Him before. I knew He would take care of others and in a way I knew he would take care of me. However, there was that “but” in there that, as long as I hung on to it, would keep me from knowing total bliss or freedom.
Epilogue – it has been well over a year since I have had that dream but I still recall the whole thing as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. It is probably because I still struggle with Trust. That that I would do…I do not. I see it more clearly now when I start to be pursued by the waves of fear and doubt but sometimes it still takes God a couple of times asking me to quiet down and “be still”.
